Attend the Tale
by Eric Jablow
Summary: Anya remembers how Anyanka inspired one of the greatest of Broadway musicals. Now a bad major motion picture too!
1. A Wife and Her Barber

Synopsis: Anya knows a lot about Broadway musicals. This story posits that she had inspired one. Credits and spoilers at the bottom. This is set in Season 6, a couple of weeks before OMWF.

* * *

"Honey, turn the alarm off," moans Anya from underneath her pillow. "Honey? Xan?" The blare continues; Xander was nowhere to be seen. Anya drags herself up from the bed and shuts the alarm off; bleary-eyed, she now looks at Xander's pillow; there's a note on it: 

A,

Took the crew to the I-5 rest stop project. Back Thursday. Coffee on timer, rolls warming in oven.  
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Love,  
X

"Darn it, I forgot." Anya shakily stands up and walks slowly to the kitchen. "Must have coffee."

* * *

Anya sits at the kitchen table; she holds the local newspaper in her left hand and dips a roll into a pool of honey with her right. "Idiot politicians." She tosses the first section at the wastebasket; it misses. The local section follows. She skims through the Arts section; she whistles and reads one of the ads. 

"The UCS Theatre Club presents 'Stephen Sondheim in Repetory: Three Musicals'."

Anya says to herself, "I wonder," and reads further.

"'Company', January 15 to January 21."

Anya says, "I wouldn't grant any of those Yuppies revenge, even if d'Hoffryn insisted."

"'Into the Woods', January 22 to January 28."

"Not bad."

"'Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street', January 29 to February 4."

She drops the newspaper to the table and remembers...

* * *

Flashback: London, 1844

Anyanka wanders through a poor area of London; it's dank, it's dark, and the fog is beginning to settle in. She's looking for someone--the psychic scent of desired vengeance is heavy in the ether. She passes an alehouse and stops at the door to listen to a prostitute rant about her madam; it's just a sordid business dispute unworthy of her attention. She walks further; two blocks later, she hears a voice.

"Alms, alms, for a miserable woman."

Anyanka looks at the beggar walking toward her. The beggar looks incredibly bedraggled and unkempt, and Anyanka's professional opinion is that the beggar's unsteady gait is the beginning of _tabes dorsalis_. "How could anyone let herself fall so low?" She sniffs at the air. "Her?"

"Daisies?"

The woman reaches for her, but Anyanka shies away.

"A little rough and tumble?"

Anyanka scowls and walks a few paces away. Then, she turns and demands, "What happened to you?" The woman shrinks from her. "Scared of me. I can use that," Anyanka thinks.

The woman sinks toward the ground, but she has enough sense to avoid sitting on the filthy curb. Anyanka walks to her and leans above her. Anyanka cringes as she asks, "What happened, sister?"

"He ruined me and stole my lovely daughter. Oh Johanna, where are you now?" The woman starts to cry.

"Your husband did this?"

The woman hisses, "No, never him. Never my wonderful Benjamin." She has a remnant of spirit left. "No, the Judge had his beadle arrest him. Ordered him transported to Australia, he did. And when I went to his house to plead for my darling husband's release, he ruined me, dishonored me. And then he turned me over to his friends. Oh, Judge Turpin, you are an evil man." She started to cry again. "And then he stole my poor baby, my lovely girl. And he will ruin her the way he did me." She starts to sob loudly.

Anyanka says, "I shall help you. What would you have done?" The woman replies, "Oh, if only my darling Benjamin were back. He'd strike down old Turpin, he would. Oh, I wish he would return to England; he'd strike old Turpin down, he'd save our daughter."

Anyanka touches her power stone, shows her demonic form, and says, "Done." The woman looks at her, shrieks, and runs off.

Anyanka walks toward her flat; she always feels tired when she enacts a profound act of vengeance. "I wonder what will happen this time?" As she turns onto her street, she hears an odd sound, like hearing a tiny bell ringing at the back of her head, the Summons of d'Hoffryn. She steps into an alley, speaks a Word of Power, and is transported to Aramsharr. A drunkard laying on trash at the back of the alley blinks.

* * *

Anyanka stands on a blasted plain and waits for her Lord. He's usually prompt. Soon, he walks out of the mist and stands before her. Anyanka says, "Lord d'Hoffryn, I have come." 

"No bow, dear Anyanka? No curtsy?"

"I bow to no one, Lord."

"Always so consistent. It is beautiful, in a way."

"What do you want of me, Lord d'Hoffryn?"

"You have done well, dear Anyanka. Done well indeed. It is not given to me to see the future distinctly, but I see that the vengeance you have raised shall be truly profound. It shall be slow, but sure. Children will tell tales of it as far into the future as I can see. Centuries from now, men and women will sing of it, and you and I will hear them do so. It will be fun to watch."

"Thank you, d'Hoffryn."

The demon lord kisses Anyanka on the forehead, and says, "Return to London, but it shall be a year until this vengeance is wrought." Lord d'Hoffryn waves, and Anyanka stands in her flat. She speaks a Minor Word of Power, and the grime on her body disappears. She falls asleep.

* * *

"Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" is a 1979 musical with music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim and book by Hugh Wheeler, originally starring Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Lovett and Len Cariou as Sweeney Todd. It was based on the 1973 play, "Sweeney Todd", by Christopher Bond. In turn, that was based on the famous British urban legend. The sources aren't clear about when the musical was set, so I may have that wrong. I have just read that the film version Tim Burton will be starting next month will include Anthony Stewart Head in the cast. 

The woman is Lucy Barker, wife of Benjamin Barker, who returns as Sweeney Todd to wreak vengeance on Judge Turpin, the Beadle, and much of London, killing Lucy and nearly his daughter before being killed himself.


	2. Peppered With Actual Shepherd

Anya sits at the cash register of the Magic Box, while Giles sits at the table reading a book on eschatology. Anya is whistling a happy tune. The door chimes ring, and both look up to see Willow walk in.

"Hello, Giles, hello Anya." Both make noncommittal greeting noises.

"What'cha reading, Giles?"

Giles holds the book up toward her. "It's not as if Doctor Phil has written 'So You've Just Been Ressurected.'"

"You'll reach her, Giles. Anything I should know, Anya?"

"The crystal-lovers have been out in force. We'd better order some more baubles. Can I go to lunch, Giles?"

"Yes, Anya. Willow can take over the register."

"Do you want anything?"

"No; I'm going to go to the Espresso Hut in a few minutes. Where are you going?"

"To Clyde's. I feel like getting a shepherd's pie." She sings out, "Peppered with actual shepherd, I hope."

Willow calls out, "Ewwww. What is wrong with you today?"

Giles walks over to Anya. "Is there anything I should know about?"

"Oh, sorry. That's from a musical. The university is putting on 'Sweeney Todd' in January. You really should take Buffy to see it."

"I thought I recognized the line."

"Wonderful musical. Lord d'Hoffryn took me to see it on opening night. What a wonderful story. The hairstyles were slightly off, and the real Mrs. Lovett was a little more plump, but Len Cariou and Angela Lansbury were great."

"The real Mrs. Lovett? That story is an urban legend. A nightmare tale boys tell each other before bed, or at the fireplace. It didn't happen."

"Of course it did. I suppose you think Santa Claus is a nice old man who delivers presents to good girls and boys too."

"But, Anya, it couldn't have happened."

"I was there, Giles. Are you calling me a liar?"

"No, Anya. But--"

Anya walks out the door; she sings off-key, "It's fop, finest in the shop"

* * *

Flashback: London, 1845

Anyanka walks down Fleet Street; one of her neighbors had been raving about the great food at a pie shop there. She reaches the shop; there is a garden on the side with many benches and tables, all full of patrons. One man gets up, and she takes his seat. She tells the barmaid she wants a meat pie and an ale.

A few minutes later, the barmaid comes back with her supper. She sips her ale and takes a bite. "That is wonderful. But what is that taste?" thinks Anyanka.

She savors a few more bites, and then she realizes what secret ingredient the pie contains; a Spanish _conversa_ had wished this vengeance on the man who betrayed her to the Inquisition, and she had worked it personally. She looks around trying to see where the bodies might be stored; finally, she looks up and sees the stairs leading above the shop: "Sweeney Todd, Barber." She starts to cough, and the woman at her right says, "Better have some more ale, dearie."

She drains her ale and waves the barmaid to her for another. She finishes her pie--she's not squeamish, but she wonders if this will lead to another call for vengeance. Suddenly, out the corner of her eye, she sees a beggar woman in the distance. The beggar is familiar; it's the woman she had helped the year before. The woman smiles with satisfaction. "Oh, so that's the game. Lord d'Hoffryn would be proud," Anyanka thinks.

Two people at the next bench get up to leave, and are replaced by another couple. Anyanka senses something unpleasant from them; she looks--hybrids. Damned vampires. The Scourge of Europe and his creator. "If they attack me, or interfere with this place in any way, I shall show them exactly how a vengeance demon can scourge them," Anyanka thinks. She glares at them.

Angelus notices, and glares back; Darla turns his head away. However, they simply order hot pies and ale and eat them peacefully, their palates sated. Anyanka finishes a second pie and returns home.

* * *

Anya's snatches of song come from "A Little Priest," from the musical "Sweeney Todd." 


	3. To Seek Revenge

Anya sits by herself at the Bronze sipping some coffee. She's smiling, humming more of "A Little Priest", and wondering if different jobs really would lead to different tastes. Then, she notices a man standing next to her. She looks up, ready to decline any invitations, but it's Spike.

"Oh, you."

"Hello, Anya. Where's the idiot?"

"Xander is working a job on I-5. And don't start. See this?" She waves her left hand at Spike; a diamond ring glints on her finger.

"Oh, hell. You're marrying the fool? It'll never work out. Trust me."

"Trust you? You're the least trusty thing I know."

"I fought for you against Glory. I took care of the Bit all summer."

"And where have you been recently? Dawn misses you. I'm not sure why, but she does."

"None of you want me around. Buffy doesn't want anybody around; I can't get to her."

"I know. She'll come around."

"I'm not sure."

"Well, you ought to talk with Dawn. She misses you. Look--the University is doing a production of 'Sweeney Todd' in January. You really ought to take her."

"And how do I go into a theater?"

"Sunset will be long before 8pm then. Do it for her. We can all go--Buffy might even like it."

"I'll think about it."

"It won't be like the original production. If only they could have hired someone who was there."

"Like you."

"Like me. I remember the soldiers pulling out the bodies from Lovett's after they all died. It was great."

"Wait. Are you telling me that really happened?"

Anya looks hurt.

"You mean that the poofter wasn't just boasting to me when he told me about Lovett and her meat pies?"

"Angelus wasn't lying. He and Darla were at the next table over."

"This calls for a drink. You want a beer?"

"Sure."

Spike returns in amoment with two mugs of beer, and both start to drink. "I thought the poof was boasting, you know."

"He was telling the truth, for once."

* * *

Flashback: London, 1845

Angelus and Darla walked slowly through the streets of London; they had just disposed of their dinner in the Thames, and they were looking for a nightcap. As they turned down Fleet Street, they saw a large group of diners sitting at tables outside a pie shop.

"Care for a bite, my dear?"

"That would be lovely, my Angel. And perhaps we'll get a better bite later."

They sat down at a bench and order pies and ale from the barmaid; their purses are full, of course. A few minutes later, the serving wench returns with their food. Angelus drains his ale dry, to Darla's disgust.

"That's fine."

They both take a bite of their hot pies; Darla stands up straight looking as if she were transfixed with pleasure, while Angelus can barely keep his demonic form from manifesting. They gain control over themselves a minute later.

"What is that taste, my dear Darla?"

Darla thinks for a moment, and then she whispers softly in Angelus' ear, "That's man."

"Really?"

"Man. Long pig. They're serving people."

The two of them look at the storefront, and then they look above it to Sweeney's barber shop.

"I really like this place. We'll have to come back. Often."

"It really takes my breath away, dear Angel."

They continue dining, but a few minutes later Angelus looks around; he notices a woman at the next table staring at them. He points and tells Darla, "That woman doesn't like us much." He murmurs into her ear, "Should we take her?"

"No, fool. That is Anyanka the Merciless, one of d'Hoffryn's get. If she's involved here, we'd better leave it alone. Besides, I like knowing that man can be as evil as us when they put their minds to it."

"A demon? I'd enjoy fighting her."

"No, Angelus. Normally, vengeance demons are under constraint. But when you attack them, they are free to use all their power. You'll never get close."

"Damnation. At least we can finish our snack. Another, dear Darla?"

* * *

"Yes, that was me. And if they had attacked me, they would not have survived." Anya yawns. 

"Need to get home? I think I'm going to take a look around, shall I get you home first?"

"Thanks."

When they leave the Bronze, they start to sing in boozy, off-key voices:

"Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd."

"Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd."

"He served a dark and a hungry god."

"He served a dark and a hungry god."

"To seek revenge may lead to Hell,"

"But everyone does it and seldom as well,"

"As Sweeney,"

"As Sweeney Todd,"

"The demon barber of Fleet--"

"Street!"

* * *

At the end, Spike and Anya sing the final lines of "Epilogue: The Ballad of Sweeney Todd." 


End file.
